chaotic lines interweaving to receive communion

I've reflected on the beauty of needlework before
how on one side the pattern and picture is so clear and yet on the other there is this jumble of string crisscrossing and knoted and frayed
how this is a metaphor for me as to how we have one perspective and yet the Master Weaver has another

Last night as I was in line to receive communion I found beauty in the chaos that ensues when we allow people to come forward at their own initiative to partake the elements.  I leaned over and said to my friend who was there for the first time that this is chaotic and messy just as all really holy things are (i was thinking particularly of the Incarnation with the mess of child birth and a stable as we were taking part in a Christmas service).

As we stood patiently in a line for a long time watching lines curl in upon themselves, how the lines crossed each other, how new people entered midline... i felt as if I was observing something beautiful

After receiving the bread and wine and upon returning to my seat - crisscrossing the line again and climbing over people to find my place - i recollected the needlework metaphor and was struck again by how from the perspective of those of us in these knotted and twisted and swerving  lines there was disorganization and confusion and mess, but that on the other side of things... ahead, where we could not see to observe, there was something beautiful and holy occuring as each person heard "this is the body of Christ broken for you" and "this is the blood of Christ poured out for you" and then as each responded with "amen" receiving this deep identification and fellowship and communion

In the midst of chaos and confusion and situations that push me to become impatient, may i look for and expect that the sacred is occuring somewhere close by

and in that spirit of faith may i become patient seeking clarity and contentment - prayerfully whispering and longing looking for thy will to be done

posts i've started writing in my head...

precious reminders from a 4 year old
- ask to hear a person's stories, listen carefully, then ask for more
- while discussing animals we like, i went the opposite direction and said i didn't like mosquitos - she said it wasn't the mosquito that she didn't like, it was it biting her that she don't like.  o my, this point hit home with me in numerous ways

new scanning probe microscope

speaking in chapel...  ~i've yet to listen to myself, but you can find it here: http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/fall-2011-hope-college-chapel/id469230174
  
the pain of suicide, CF, sexual abuse
     things are not as they should be, this is not how it was meant to be

Ginger comes to visit - cups of coffee and great conversations

box of chocolates

pumpkin this and pumpkin that
     carving pumpkin party at my place
     finding pumpkin ale and my favorite pear cider after a long week
     pumpkin muffins, soup, cheesecake, pancakes, waffles

we all fall short, and Joe Pa is no exception
     where have I in my own life missed an opportunity to bring light into a dark place?

sunshine breaking through the clouds in the midst of a stormy day

The trees must be laid bare in order to bear the weight of the winter ahead
     what do i need to let go of in order to bear what this next season brings?

sharing the bread and the cup, learning to love like Jesus

i hope to write out my thoughts on at least some of these things in the near future, but for now - here's a taste

sacred spots

My roommate caught me snapping this photo in the parking lot one day before aerobics class.  The photo is crooked and the sight not seemingly significant, but she knew right away why I was capturing this particular spot...
Sometimes we get a glimpse of something sacred and it leaves a mark.
Then the spot takes on special meaning and becomes holy ground.

You see about a month ago, we held "convocation" welcoming the incoming freshmen class to Hope.  This is a ceremony where the students are symbolically brought into our midst while their parents sit on the outside.  Afterwards, the parting begins...

While piling our regalia into the trunk of my car and laughing at our silly hats, myself and my friends spied something that struck us all simultaneously...

You see under that tree, the very one in the photo above, there was a family huddled together embracing one another with their heads bowed.  I don't know what words were said and I don't know who they were - but what I encountered moved me...  My heart leapt as I witnessed this beautiful sight of a loving family bowed together before the Lord.  My mind raced as I remembered my own college beginning and journey.  My gut tugged as I realized the weight of responsibility and opportunity I had to be part of the next step for this student who was leaving his family and coming here to Hope in hopes of becoming who God had created and called him to be.

You see in this sacred moment, this place became sacred and I want to remember...

It will be good...

I'm reading through the book of Luke right now.  Sometimes I'll read aloud and something will stand out. 
Last night it was the phrase "It will be good..."

In the 12th Chapter of Luke, there is a passage typically entitled "Watchfulness" (verse 35-48).  As I was speaking out loud I got stuck on the words "It will be good" and I repeated it at least 3 times before continuing... only to then come upon the phrase at the beginning of the next verse.  Again I repeated it multiple times.  I paused and smiled - reflecting upon the watchfulness for the coming of Christ with the assurance that "It will be good."  Thinking about how the watchfulness for how He is at work now brings with it the promise that whatever He is doing... "It will be good".  I then went back to the text and 5 verses later the same phrase was used.  This declaration of goodness is often overcast by the violence that follows in this chapter.  I think this reassurance of the goodness that awaits us is the good news that proceeds the bad news.  The bad news is the warnings that follow and I believe Jesus tells us these things, in this order, because he wants to situate us first in love before bringing the conviction that follows.  What spurs me to think this all the more is the scripture proceeding this passage that says “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom."  He tells us not to be afraid as He announces the lavish favor that the Lord has for us.  He is not just willing, but has been pleased to give us the kingdom...  The fullness of what that means is beyond what I can understand and stirs my heart!

I pray that I may be found watching and ready as a faithful and wise steward - hoping eagerly for the good that will be...

Watchfulness

    ³⁵ “Be dressed ready for service and keep your lamps burning, ³⁶ like servants waiting for their master to return from a wedding banquet, so that when he comes and knocks they can immediately open the door for him. ³⁷ It will be good for those servants whose master finds them watching when he comes. Truly I tell you, he will dress himself to serve, will have them recline at the table and will come and wait on them. ³⁸ It will be good for those servants whose master finds them ready, even if he comes in the middle of the night or toward daybreak. ³⁹ But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. ⁴⁰ You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.”  ⁴¹ Peter asked, “Lord, are you telling this parable to us, or to everyone?”
 ⁴² The Lord answered, “Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom the master puts in charge of his servants to give them their food allowance at the proper time? ⁴³ It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns. ⁴⁴ Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. ⁴⁵ But suppose the servant says to himself, ‘My master is taking a long time in coming,’ and he then begins to beat the other servants, both men and women, and to eat and drink and get drunk. ⁴⁶ The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the unbelievers.
   ⁴⁷ “The servant who knows the master’s will and does not get ready or does not do what the master wants will be beaten with many blows. ⁴⁸ But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows. From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

Letter to a younger me...

On the radio this morning, I heard them ask this question:
If you could go back and give advice to yourself 10 years ago,
what would you say?

My head went spinning back...
10 years ago I was starting the first semester of graduate school.
10 days from now 10 years ago, September 11th happened...

All day long this question has continued to bounce around.
If I could go back and talk to younger Beth...

I'd tell her that she is deeply and perfectly loved by a gracious and compassionate and patient and loving God
that even when she isn't speaking or listening to Him,
He is still calling out to her and her heart is still known by Him.
I'd tell her that she is deeply and imperfectly loved by family and friends
that relationships change and this will probably always be hard,
but that the love experienced within them is beautiful and timeless.

I'd tell her to be gentle both with herself and with others around her.
I'd be honest with her and tell her that pain lies ahead,
that it often can't be avoided or prevented.
I'd tell her to not walk through life trying to protect herself from getting hurt
but to step out and risk
to let go
dance

I'd challenge her to live and wrestle with the questions in her heart,
believing that in time truth will be revealed
to let her heart feel deeply and to experience her emotions more freely
I'd remind her of God's faithfulness in the past and I'd assure her that she will see it again and again
That I am still confident of this, she will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living

day 1, year 2

i love the students
i give thanks for the opportunity of having them ask me to speak into their lives
i value the privilege that i have to watch them learn and begin to lead others
i rejoice in the hearing of them gasp and oooh and awww in delight as they watch an unexpected chemical transformation occur (mixing 2 clearish solutions together --> bright green solution --> crystals!)
i smile as they realize and express dismay that they must then later dissolve their crystals

You see they are destroying these crystals in order that they may be made new through a slower recrystallization process that will not occur in front of their eyes within the span of 30 minutes, but instead while the beakers are tucked away for the next week in their lab drawers.
i know the crystals will form again and that they will be of higher quality and purity.  some of the students even realize this, but nonetheless they are mournful as they heat up and stir away the spiky green kryptonite looking crystals.

i love the transformations that i'm given a front row seat to observe. 
they don't often happen quickly, but with patience and hope i seek to see

saying good-bye to summer...

Today I'm saying good-bye to summer and tomorrow I'll be part of welcoming a new class of freshmen to Hope.

I embraced summer today and squeezed savoring each drop - I slept in, took Bella on a walk in the sunshine, went and sat by the lake reading while not wearing sunscreen, visited a local market buying veggies and yummy blueberries, grilled out dinner, pampered myself by taking a long shower and painting my toenails, and capped off the day with some juicy watermelon.  Not only has today been full, so has the summer and I thought I'd take a little bit of time to remember the highlights...

- mentored 3 undergrads working on my research - way more exhausting than i imagined, but so good in the long run :)
- bought a house, repainted the main living space, moved in, did lots of house projects...
- lots of fun visitors helping me choose paint colors and put up the paint
- visit from my parent helping me settle in to the new house
- trip to Ohio to meet up with friends from PA
- PA friends come to visit me in MI
- great birthday with those friends including 2 visits to the beach and capping things off with port
- 4th of July picnic at my new place and then watching fireworks over Lake Mac
- lost and lots of grilling in my new backyard - one of my favorite features of my new place (it is hooked up to the house gas!)
- had students over a couple times for dinner and games
- gained a roommate to join Bella and I in the new house
- saw the final Harry Potter movie when it opened at midnight
- had a birthday party for a 4 year old
- had a onesies painting party for a baby on the way
- received funding to purchase a scanning probe microscope!
- watched my students present talks and posters and they did an excellent job
- drove to Alabama - visited with family and friends
- drove to Florida - meet my new nephew! visited my bro and sil, went to Disney and Cocoa Beach
- drove back to Alabama
- drove back to MI (probably won't do that type of driving trip again)
- flew out to Santa Barbara to visit two different companies that sell the microscope i'm buying
- got to put my feet in the Pacific and then eat on the deck of a restaurant watching the sun set over it, visited the mission in Santa Barbara, walked out over the ocean on the pier, and ate lunch outside at a restaurant on the harbour
- returned to MI and hit the ground running to prep for the upcoming semester
- pushed pause today to relish and reflect

I'm sure I'll think of more, but for now this list suffices. 
I remember and give thanks.
Hope whelms up for what lies ahead.
Tomorrow something new begins and we convocate