blueberries...

earlier today i picked a plethora of blueberries and i've already eaten more handfuls of them than i can count on my hands...

blueberries are one of my favorite fruits!  i've been wanting to plant a blueberry bush at my new house and when i moved in it was right at the optimum time for planting, yet when i went to look for them at the store i turned up empty handed...

shortly after moving to holland, i was reading something that talked about how it took newly planted blueberry bushes three years before they started to produce fruit.  that from when they are first planted and through those first two seasons there is a steady pruning as their growth is directed toward putting down roots and strengthening limbs.  the writer suggested that this too is often the case for us when we move to a new place...  the description of the tender roots taking hold and harsh pruning resonate with me.  the image of a strong bush with a delightful harvest of blueberries brought forth in the third season instilled me with hope...

it was after reading this that i decided i wanted a blueberry bush - to tend and to watch and to remember

today while perusing the store in search of a compost bin to buy, i happened across a discounted array of blueberry bushes.  it is late for planting them, but i selected them in hopes that it isn't too late.  tonight i planted them and when i stood back to look at my hard work, i remembered...  a year ago today was my last day in state college with my dear dear friends there.  it was on that evening when we shared a meal and watched silly songs online, we went to ghetto weiss in mass with the mission of each selecting a random ice cream topping to share, and then we prayed and i cried as it was one of the most searingly painful experiences my heart has endured...  my roots were torn from the ground...

it is incredibly and beautifully fitting that today i planted a blueberry bush in hopes of the fruit to come... i believe this is a God orchestrated moment to remind me of His love and His timing...  i am a bit awestruck and deeply grateful

throwing out an anchor...

my tender roots are still hesitantly testing out the soil here at hope
but my gut told my head to throw an anchor down into the deep blue
so now i'm swaying and stable

i say goodbye tonight to the house i've called home here for much of the past year and to the animals that have been my constant company...
my anchor to this town comes in the form of this new house i've bought with a wandering heart that is still confused about how that happened...
but something changed and there is ground beneath my feet to press against as I press on to take hold of that for which Christ has called me here...

the best part of a rainy day...

... is the puddles left behind
i pause to study reflections of what surrounds
in this mirror i find stillness and clarity after a violent downpour
lingering drips from clouds and drops from leaves disturb
but these ripples do not destroy
they pass like the storm

bits along the way...

i'm known for picking up little bits along the way...  it isn't unusual for me to return from a walk with something in my pocket, typically a pretty rock of some sort.  i'll be meandering along pondering life when something will catch my eye and i'll be moved to stop, kneel, and receive the bit into my hand.  these bits come to represent whatever prayer or praise was on my heart.  i have a collection of these bits that stands as a sort of altar...

the past couple weeks have held many events worthy of pondering from the tornadoes just two weeks back to my sister's graduation and upcoming move to TX (the family is spreading), from OBL's death to the final stages of buying a house, from finding out that the president of my school is retiring to submitting final grades,  from affirming conversations with students to watching them leave as i participate in my first graduation ceremony as a prof, and especially the bit where my sister in law underwent pretty intense labor and delivery to bring forth a little boy named David (the family is growing).  my heart feels spread out thin like butter as i'm missing my friends and family...  like waves, change continues to roll my way and i'm bobbing up and down still trying to find the ground so i can get my footing...

taking my dog, Bella, for a walk oftentimes does not result in me finding anything along the way as my eyes are most often focused on keeping her in line.  however yesterday i came across not one, but two, hatched bird eggs.  symbols of new life, abundant new life :)  but also symbols of struggle, of cracking open the shell, of becoming vulnerable...  staying in the shell, nothing new is brought forth, but pushing outward results in breakthrough to a whole new ginormous realm...  i picture those baby birds as they grow from gasping for breath to constantly tweeting to teetering on the edge before taking flight. 

 

the broken egg shells resonate with me as representative of this time, this springtime, and in the midst of it all, i'm choosing hope

tornadoes and birth pangs

     I was telling one of my students about the tornadoes in AL this morning - finals are coming up and keeping on top of the news is not on the top of their "to do" lists.  As I showed him some of the photos online, he looked and said two words, "birth pangs". 
   In the past, there have been times when people have said this to me - in particular I remember this occurance after Hurricane Katrina and after the tsunami that hit S. Asia that Christmas season.  Never did those words resonant and they actually instead created great dissonance within me.  How could a loving God allow these random acts of nature, of violence, to occur?  I still can't answer that question, but I could tell you a story involving a lightening bug that gave me some perspective...  another day perhaps for that...
   Today, the words "birth pangs" jolted me.  I was reminded once again that things are not as they were meant to be, that creation groans for the day when all will be made new.  Actually the word "groans" is all I could say in response to my student and in my head I was reminded that birth pangs bring forth new life and there is so much joy and celebration in the light of this that the pain and tears are no more.  Life as it was meant to be and as it will be is beyond my imagination.  It lies in the hands of a loving God whose vantage point is greater than mine, whose power and ability exceeds my own, and whose faithfulness and lovingkindness outlast all my rebellion and apathy.
   I can't bring myself to write or say or claim that the pain of these major disastors and my personal minor devastations will pale in comparison to what eternity holds.  Yet something within prompts me toward this hope.  I can't see it now.  I can't imagine that these things fit into renewal when they are so destructive.  I yearn for the liberation, the freedom, the glory, the adoption, the redemption that is and is to come.  I hope for what I do not see.

Romans 8

Present Suffering and Future Glory

 ¹⁸ I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. ¹⁹ For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. ²⁰ For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope ²¹ that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.
 ²² We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³ Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. ²⁴ For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.
 ²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
 ²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

As I wrote this, I remembered that I'd read one of my pastor's blogs about this same topic after the recent earthquake in Japan.  Thought I should cite him :)  http://www.dannold.com/?p=2920

...in the light of His glory and grace

I awoke yesterday morning with the refrain of this song in my head and on my heart - 'tis still spinning around.  I love the focus on His Glory and His Grace.  The second verse really stood out to me...

TURN YOUR EYES UPON JESUS  ~Words and Music by Helen H. Lemmel, 1922 

O soul are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There's light for a look at the Saviour,
And life more abundant and free. 

Refrain
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His Glory and Grace.

Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
Over us sin no more hath dominion -
For more than conquerors we are! 

Refrain
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His Glory and Grace.

His Word shall not fail you - He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well;
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell. 

Refrain
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His Glory and Grace.

Hope as we reflect on this glory and grace that are hearts and heads are filled with light and love to celebrate our Savior and to follow after Him more freely.

the day between

the saturday between good friday and resurrection day is a day of dormancy

when life as we know it and life as we thought it would be, isn't any longer

when what is to come, isn't within the realm of our ability to even imagine

today i remember what Mary said when her life as she had known and planned it to be was over and yet she could not begin to grasp what lay ahead.  on that day she said "Nothing is impossible with God" (Jn 1:37)

this morning I really needed to hear this preached "It's not over"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flZ1phdgyZw