dance lessons

so last thursday i had my first car wreck.  i lost control of my car while in the middle lane beside a semi truck (it was snowy and wet). i hit the center concrete median and then was bounced back across the three lanes of traffic to end up perpendicular to the road in a ditch... the car is totaled, but i walked away and am now only a bit stiff, sore, and foggy headed

i think the things i'm most grateful for right now are
1) that my accident, my loss of control over my car, did not result in hurting anyone else
2) that i was blessed to spend so much good quality time during my holiday with family and friends

i think the theme for the lessons in the midst of all this is that i am not in control.  it seems that though i know this already and acknowledge it regularly, that it is a truth i will continue to learn again and again and the reality of it will continue to sink in deeper and deeper.

one of the scriptures that has resounded in my head the past few months has been the reminder "do not think of yourself more highly than you ought" - humility - i don't know that i ever consciously realized it, but when i've heard others talk about "losing control" when driving, i've looked down on them and thought that i was above that ever happening to me...

i know that one of the things i fear most is hurting others either unintentionally or even obliviously while in an attempt to help.  i'm continuing to learn to let go of that fear (for so many reasons) and i think it goes back to learning that if i can't control my own circumstances, then i certainly can't control how others may respond.  i can be discerning, sensitive, wise, and careful, but ultimately i'm not in control (or even aware) of all the variables involved.

i want to live in the midst of that
moving with grace as in a dance
and knowing that in the dance
we will bump into one another
we will occasionally step on each others toes
but i want to keep dancing

once at a barn dance,
a guy in boots stepped on my leg
from the knee down to the ankle
i had to step aside for a moment and lean against the wall
but i got back out there for the final two-step

i now realize sometimes there are slick spots on the dance floor
and i may fall
and it is possible in my flailing about
that i could take down another...
but when my butt or my head hits the floor
first i need to remember to breathe
and give thanks for that breath
then look about, move a bit, reach out to the hand offering to help me up,
then take a moment, shake things off, and get back in the dance

i want to move about freely in the dance
not with controlled and careful movements
not fearful that i may bump into another
not worrying that my partner may step on my toes
not anxiously looking about for slick spots on the floor
but looking around
enjoying myself and enjoying the others around me who join in the dance

the day before the wreck, i had a filled dance card with a diverse sound track
unwrapping presents
sharing lunch with good conversation
taking time for tea
watching wrestling videos
chopping veggies
chowing down on thai food
lounging around petting my dog
giving hugs to a room full of folks
washing a pile of dirty dishes
staying up late
and all this was quality time and good conversation with some of my favorite people ranging from a toddler to one of the wisest women i know and  including many of my dearest of friends
twas good and i am grateful

in all things, God works for the good of those who love him...
these are all dance lessons
from the kitchen floor to the ohio turnpike
i'm learning to live with grace