thinking about Advent...

A quick wiki search told me that "advent" is from the latin word for "coming" and that it is "expectant waiting and preparation for the celebration... anticipating the second coming of Christ... the consummation of history"

the Merriam Webster dictionary online told me it means "arrival" with definitions
1) the period beginning four Sundays before Christmas and observed by some Christians as a season of prayer and fasting
2) a: the coming of Christ at the Incarnation
    b: second coming

Hm - this was a good simple reminder to me that we are not just remembering the waiting and celebration that happened in the past when Christ came at the Incarnation, but we are currently in the midst of waiting for Christ's return.  This lead me to read the beginning of Acts and the end of Revelation.

Interesting that oftentimes many think of this return with fear and dread of destruction, not with eager anticipation of celebration.  For those of us in Christ, fear (ultimate reverence for the God who alone is holy and all powerful) is appropriate, but dread doesn't make sense (although I myself readily admit to having had this feeling).
I have experienced a shift in my own perspective of the second coming
from one of fear, dread, and uncertainty
to one which still experiences fear (although the reverence kind)
     and uncertainty (only the Father knows the day and time)
to one which now calls out - along with the Spirit, as a part of the bride of Christ - that calls out for Jesus to come.

I eagerly await the day when all things are made new.  When all tears are wiped away and there is no more death, mourning, crying, or pain because the old order has passed away... and then there will be a wedding...

I'm still not in the "Christmas" spirit - I tried listening to Christmas music... 
However,
I am experiencing some Advent in terms of "preparation for celebration" as I've reflected upon:
- the celebration of the angels overseen by the shepherds when Christ came
- the spontaneous love burst that came from Peter as he jumped from the boat into the water when he first saw Christ after the resurrection
- the dumbstruck awe that left the disciples staring up at the sky as Christ ascended

I'll keep reflecting on those moments in the past while anticipating and imagining the new heaven and the new earth that is to come.

Perhaps I'll come around to some Christmas cheer...

Lent and Advent

I feel more prepared for celebrating Lent rather than Advent.
I'm ready for spring - for flowers popping up and new life abounding. 
I'm eager for summer - for hot days spent outdoors near water.
I'm not dreading the impending winter season. 
To a large extent thus far I've not really acknowledged its approach... but today, i saw snow...
Now that Thanksgiving is over, it is finally seasonally acceptable for folks to be decorating for Christmas and playing Christmas tunes... but I'm not ready - and it isn't that I feel overwhelmed about preparing for the gifts to be exchanged and the parties to be attended and it isn't that I'm morphing into the Grinch that Stole Christmas...

The time of Advent leading up to Christmas is supposed to be a time of joyful anticipation
The time of Lent leading up to Easter is typically a time of somber reflection

so what do you do when your spirit is in a place of Lent at the time of Advent?

fall

Took a different route into my building the other morning and as I rounded the corner, I happened across this delightful scene of color and shadows...  I'm seeking what is lovely, pure, admirable, excellent, true, noble, right, and praiseworthy... and when I happen across it - may I be propelled toward worship - whether that is to fall to my knees in prayer or to rummage through my purse for my camera...

from God and not from us.... hard pressed, but not crushed... alive and given over to death, so that life may be revealed...

^{2 Corinthians 4
5} For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. ⁶ For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.
 ⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ¹⁰ We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ¹¹ For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. ¹² So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
 ¹³ It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.” Since we have that same spirit of faith, we also believe and therefore speak, ¹⁴ because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. ¹⁵ All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
 ¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

back and forth...

 Isaiah 55:12 (New International Version)

¹² You will go out in joy
   and be led forth in peace; 

the mountains and hills
   will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
   will clap their hands. 

This passage has been really meaningful as I've been transitioning into my new home.  Multiple folks blessed me with the scripture as I left...

This Sunday, I heard the pastor talk about leaving with joy and returning with peace...

in the NRSV this passage says

"For you shall go out in joy,
   and be led back in peace"

Looking at multiple translations, only the  NRSV says "led back", most of the others say "led forth"...

I must say that being led back in peace makes more sense to me in this context

The chapter has just been talking about God's thoughts not being like my own and His ways being different and higher than my own...  Walking into the unknown in that way - hard to see that path as peaceful. 

joyful - yes, i can see that - that scripture suggests that the rain and the snow we walk through water the earth so that it buds and flourishes bringing forth seed for sowing and bread for eating - in this we can hope and be joyful, as we trust in the mercy and pardon found as we turn to the Lord, who is calling us to "come" 

and then after we have walked out a couple of steps on the path He has laid out before us, then we can go back over it seeing God's faithfulness, bringing us to wholeness, and from this perspective we have peace.

it is as i go back and see His faithfulness in appointing my times and places that i experience peace most.  

i think it is important as i go forth, to look back and remember and be at peace.

i need to go back and forth in peace.

i picture myself pacing, 

but with 2 steps forward and one step back,

progressing forward
meandering

slowly, peacefully, joyfully

a year ago today...

... I was interviewing at a school called Hope near the shore of Lake Michigan.

The details I remember best about that visit (which was my first of 5 in a 2 week time period) are as follows:
1) the detour to see Lake Michigan on the way from the airport to the college - i finally understood why people call the shore there a beach - it is beautiful...
2) dinner with students - twas good conversation
3) questions from those students after my seminar
These are still probably my favorite things here - the lake, the students, teaching...

I can't believe it was a year ago - in most ways it seems so much longer ago, but in other ways shorter...
I think it is good to look back and remember.
To look back and see the ways God has been at work, to see the ways you've grown, to give thanks...
Though it seems a lot longer ago, I think it is still too near to really process.
I think my roots are still too raw to examine.
And I think when I look back right now, I'm reminded that it is ok that they are raw.
They've been through a lot.
So, if the purpose of my remembering reminds me to give grace to myself - then that alone is good.

I chose to seek out for more, for what God had next,
and I never really wanted to leave my home and community,
I never really have looked for a move because I wanted to leave where I was.
I chose to knock and listen for the answer of yes or no
instead doors opened
it was overwhelming
and awefull
and awful

5 days after my interview, they called with a job offer.
By Thanksgiving things were settled - Hope.
I was thankful and excited.
Perhaps mainly because the search was over and I could focus on life now,
but the cloud of what was to come loomed over the months as I prepared for my move to Michigan.


I've now been living here for almost 4 months - some things have moved faster than others.

The job is a whirlwind.

The replanting of my roots is slow.

They are still on the surface of the soil of this new place
- exposed, sensitive, seeking, frustrated, thirsty, aching...

but hope remains
and I remain in and at hope

lab graffiti

This magnetic letter "graffiti" in my research lab makes me smile.  :)

My undergrad put up the words lithography and nano over the fume hood and the senior prof that also teaches the other 2 general chemistry lectures posted the others.
I'm so thankful for both of them!
Though having a research student has added at least 6 hours more work into my life each week, it has forced me to be engaged in research.  Today we collected data on samples he's been making.  1 out of 5 worked - not bad, not bad...  I also really appreciate his disposition - he's a whistler - which I think is an outward expression of inward joy.  He also is competent and patient.  Hopeful for more like him (he'll be graduating in may).
The senior prof has been such a gift.  He's been teaching longer than I've been alive and he has been such an encouragement to me.  Helping me figure out all the ins and outs of the system AND he's been a great reminder to me regularly to "have fun" when I'm teaching.  Also encouraging me to do a good job, but not hurt myself trying to do the best every time.

I also appreciate that these magnets followed me from Penn State.  They were a white elephant Christmas gift I got at our research group's holiday part.  I brought them into lab and they lived on the front of an oven and fridge for many many years.  Then when that lab was being packed up to move to UCLA, I rescued these magnets from the trash (along with many old samples and extraneous supplies).

Giving thanks for what was, what is, and what is to come.  Hopeful for how past, present, and future may intertwine...  Curious what pieces of the past may bring joy in the future (like these simple colorful alphabet magnets!)